He uses me for hospitality, company & more worryingly for sexual favours. All I want is someone that can admit they want to be with me. He doesn't. He wouldn't even admit he likes me. What sort of relationship is that. None.
I feel cheap, pathetic, simpering. I want to see him all the time. I need reassurance. I get nothing. Wasting my time, I don't want someone who is so emotionally stagnant.
if u already know that he's not what you want start thinking about 'getting rid' of him. your mental health is more important than him and you'll feel better without him bringin you down xx
I've been in one of these “relationships.” Do what's best for you, your partner shouldn't be the one making you feel terrible about yourself, even if they “can't help it.” Good luck x
Used. Such a stupid concept. It all depends on the point of view, doesn't it? Anyone can be sse as used by their partner. For money, for support, for love, for sex, for self-confidence, for companionship, for not being alone when old, for not being
cold at night, for getting you medicine when you're ill, for telling you you look amazing when you've gained weight, for holding your hand before a surgery, for telling you a bad joke at a bad time, for whatever, for being human and being there.
Used. I don't like the concept.
I mean, what use are we to each other, if we are of no use?
I love Alicia's perspective. Some people use people badly, and some people let themselves be used badly. But also, there's people using each other in the way Alicia says...
It can be mutual, think you're also taking advantage of him he makes you feel good, you laugh, you go out and you enjoy it, You can always look for someone more suitable and in the meantime he's there, as long as you're honest with each other it's ok
Alicia is very very intelligent, so yes, listen to her!
Perhaps he's comfortable with you, which is not really ideal. Comfort without love is not a good relationship. Or, also very likely, he feels strongly for you but is repressing it or something. That's my guess! Give him time to come around! :)
Thanks Jeff, I think we all know he is very repressed! Since my break up 8 years ago I have learnt to become open & honest with my feelings. His marriage seems to have been more like a friendship so I guess that's all that he knows really.
It's very hard for me when I don't get much response about anything verbally yet physically he always wants the cuddles and intimacy. Confusing, frustrating but I love him so I do just have to give him time like you say.
It must be something, loving someone that way. I don't know if I'd ever experienced such strong emotion coupled with such clarity and patience. You are amazing, and he is one lucky guy.
Thank you dear Alicia bear. I am definitely finding the intensity of how much I care for him quite terrifying if I'm honest. Because it means when he dumps me the hurt will be bad.
I know he doesn't feel the same and he doesn't want me to get so deep but I can't help myself, my love for him does not have control settings.
Was just reading your previous posts - glad it turned out to be good overall
I can't stay upset because I adore him so much. Have never, ever felt a love like this before & it just gets stronger. It scares me & I know I'll end up so heartbroken again 😥
Thanks Cindy bear, big hugs my friend x
I'm not saying I'm going off him, far from it. It's just how deep does one go without getting anything back. It can only keep going one way for so long.
Ooo...nothing wrong with flirting! That can just be fun, and it's nice to enjoy someone liking you. Wish M was ready to be there for you the way you want, though...
Can't say it better than Jeff
I feel a little deceitful but M knows that I have a male friend in the US. If he doesn't like it then he needs to step up which I know he won't do. It's just fantasy but I simply need to get reciprocation from someone.
At least I get someone wanting me not just on their terms and although it isn't real, he says the right things and is open and makes me feel loved to a certain extent.
Well make him pay! I don't see why he wouldn't! :) I know it's not what you want, but at least you can enjoy being with him and knowing he cares about you (if not the way you want). Hope you enjoy it!
Thanks for the hugs everyone. Jeff, we go Dutch because we are only friends and I always pay my own way with friends. Although I'm not used to all these outings so it's getting expensive for me now. 😟
Well tell him that. Maybe he'll offer to pay because of how much he enjoys your company.
No costly things coming up planned. Out tomorrow but it will be free.
At least I'm warm again and I'm actually going to eat some tea. M has been texting and been nice.
Sounds nice. Envying....in a good way
Your holiday should be whatever you want - no need to be productive! Enjoy!
...but I'm here, alone, in a cold, dark house. Going to bed because I can't deal with the world. Nobody even will check on me and why should they. I want to disappear so bad.
And yes Pandas, I don't take my own advice, I don't practice what I preach. Really I have no one and never have and just have to suck it up.
Its fine, everyone doesn't practice what the preach at times, but you will find somebody. :)
I know exactly how you feel, Pen. :( *Big hugs*
That feeling sucks so hard.
oh dear. I have felt like that at times Penelope. At one point I even thought that if I found a boyfriend, everything would be alright because 'then I would be someone's number one'. I remember telling my sister (that every other member of my family
had a romantic partner and I didn't and that thought about finding someone) and I could tell she felt very sad for me. I realise how wrong that was now, the clichéd - you have to be happy with yourself spiel and all that jazz! .. . Anyways, I can
definitely identify with how you are feeling. . .Try to remember that you are making an assumption when you have no thoughts. One thing I found with my family is that they hid how worried they were at times in an effort to protect me. It's how my Mom
sis and my bro perhaps a little less so deal with grief/emotional issues. . .Maybe your family/friends behave the same way. They hide how worried they are so as to not increase YOUR worry (even though they may not realise how much it hurts you that
they DON'T vocalise their concerns for you more often/address the issues head on rather than skirting around them . .. That's just been part of my experience. Certainly, there are other times when they definitely did not realise/simply didn't accept
when I used to try to tell them how low/trapped I was feeling. . . I agree with Xavier - not everyone practices what they preach. In fact I give people advice on time management/being assertive/looking after their mental health - when the truth is,
the only reason I know so much about that stuff is because I struggle so much with all of it myself. Sometimes, I'm not even aware of the fact that I am having negative thinking patterns/that I am carrying out certain behaviours in response to stress
The habits have been with me too long! . .. All in all, don't be too hard on yourself. You are the only person who has to live with yourself 100% of the time - make that a nice relationship. Be kind to yourself. Be the kindest person to yourself
that you can be. One thing that is certain is that not everyone in this world will be kind to you. . . So make sure you are the kindest person to yourself. :) . . . I hope your mood picks up Penelope! And remember, you are not alone through this!! xx
Well said, KT, and hugs to you, Penelope.
Thank you all and to you Keeping, your support is appreciated. Yes, I've got the man I've wanted for years but he doesn't want to be my boyfriend, just a friend with benefits which I hate. Sometimes I just get sick of my job...
, sick of being a tenant for the rest of my life, sick of having to deal with everything in my life alone all the time. Never having anyone spoiling me or really looking out for me. I just get weak from doing everything on my own.
The heating is now fixed but it's given me anxiety which I need time to get over. Simple things seem to catch me out. I guess I'm just at a low ebb and I will rise again. I am pleased that Pandas are here PPX