5.5 avg
  1160 days
  8806 hugs
  155 followers
1 Penelope P
6h ·
Considering cooling things with M. I hear my panda pals' wise words but there's only so long I can be grateful to him for using me. I get nothing from him, laughs & company that's all. It's not enough
Penelope P
6h ·

He uses me for hospitality, company & more worryingly for sexual favours. All I want is someone that can admit they want to be with me. He doesn't. He wouldn't even admit he likes me. What sort of relationship is that. None.

Penelope P
6h ·

I feel cheap, pathetic, simpering. I want to see him all the time. I need reassurance. I get nothing. Wasting my time, I don't want someone who is so emotionally stagnant.

Leona S
5h · NEW

*Hugs*

Leona S
5h · NEW

if u already know that he's not what you want start thinking about 'getting rid' of him. your mental health is more important than him and you'll feel better without him bringin you down xx

C J
4h · NEW

I've been in one of these “relationships.” Do what's best for you, your partner shouldn't be the one making you feel terrible about yourself, even if they “can't help it.” Good luck x

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3 Penelope P
1d ·
And someone said to me today “I would feel used if I were you”. Yes. To all the people who kept telling me to give him time, this is what you're now starting to think. Arrrrgggghhhhh!!!
Alicia B
1d ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
1d ·

Used. Such a stupid concept. It all depends on the point of view, doesn't it? Anyone can be sse as used by their partner. For money, for support, for love, for sex, for self-confidence, for companionship, for not being alone when old, for not being

Alicia B
1d ·

cold at night, for getting you medicine when you're ill, for telling you you look amazing when you've gained weight, for holding your hand before a surgery, for telling you a bad joke at a bad time, for whatever, for being human and being there.

Alicia B
1d ·

Used. I don't like the concept.

Alicia B
1d ·

I mean, what use are we to each other, if we are of no use?

Jeff M
1d ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
1d ·

I love Alicia's perspective. Some people use people badly, and some people let themselves be used badly. But also, there's people using each other in the way Alicia says...

me M
17h ·

It can be mutual, think you're also taking advantage of him he makes you feel good, you laugh, you go out and you enjoy it, You can always look for someone more suitable and in the meantime he's there, as long as you're honest with each other it's ok

me M
17h ·

*Hugs*

John T
11h ·

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John T
11h ·

Alicia is very very intelligent, so yes, listen to her!

Cindy M
7h ·

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3 Penelope P
1d ·
Slightly sort of nowhere.
Robert H
1d ·

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Cindy M
1d ·

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Alicia B
1d ·

*Hugs*

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4 Penelope P
2d ·
Headache now.
Zoe D
2d ·

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Tristan G
2d ·

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Alicia B
2d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
2d ·

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Jeff M
2d ·

*Hugs*

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7 Penelope P
4d ·
Last day before back to work so not happy. Going to chill today, do crafty and arty things and try to stay calm. Not easy because I hate my workplace. Still on a high after seeing M which helps.
Cindy M
4d ·

*Hugs*

Kym S
4d ·

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Jeff M
4d ·

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Robert H
3d ·

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Alicia B
2d ·

*Hugs*

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9 Penelope P
4d ·
M came round for a short visit. We just talked & watched some TV. Love, love, love spending this sort of time with him. Miss him a lot now. Not going to see him as much over next two weeks 😔
Keeping Track A
4d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
4d ·

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Alicia B
4d ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
3d ·

*Hugs*

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5 Penelope P
5d ·
Most of chores done. Not heard from M which is strange. Not going to dwell on it but I don't know what I'm doing this afternoon so will have plenty of time to overthink. Must get a shower & buck up.
Manda P
5d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
4d ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
4d ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
3d ·

*Hugs*

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6 Penelope P
5d ·
Need to get some chores done today because I was lazy yesterday. Whilst all the time wondering if I will be picked up to be played with. And then dropped again. Obviously.
Cindy M
5d ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
4d ·

*Hugs*

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6 Penelope P
6d ·
Met a friend at costa, bit of food shopping then came home and tidied round. Feeling better now lady business has arrived and I have an excuse to snuggle up and rest. With the heating on full blast!
me M
5d ·

*Hugs*

Maite P
5d ·

*Hugs*

John T
5d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
5d ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
4d ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
3d ·

*Hugs*

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4 Penelope P
6d ·
Weird when I think over comments M made about staying in holiday cottages & looking at homes on TV we could live in. It's like he sees us living together. Maybe I shouldn't think over comments.
me M
6d ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
6d ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
6d ·

Perhaps he's comfortable with you, which is not really ideal. Comfort without love is not a good relationship. Or, also very likely, he feels strongly for you but is repressing it or something. That's my guess! Give him time to come around! :)

Penelope P
6d ·

Thanks Jeff, I think we all know he is very repressed! Since my break up 8 years ago I have learnt to become open & honest with my feelings. His marriage seems to have been more like a friendship so I guess that's all that he knows really.

Penelope P
6d ·

It's very hard for me when I don't get much response about anything verbally yet physically he always wants the cuddles and intimacy. Confusing, frustrating but I love him so I do just have to give him time like you say.

Cindy M
5d ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
4d ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
4d ·

It must be something, loving someone that way. I don't know if I'd ever experienced such strong emotion coupled with such clarity and patience. You are amazing, and he is one lucky guy.

Penelope P
4d ·

Thank you dear Alicia bear. I am definitely finding the intensity of how much I care for him quite terrifying if I'm honest. Because it means when he dumps me the hurt will be bad.

Penelope P
4d ·

I know he doesn't feel the same and he doesn't want me to get so deep but I can't help myself, my love for him does not have control settings.

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6 Penelope P
6d ·
Lovely day & I think M enjoyed it too. I felt low to start with but he hadn't got my text last night, it came thru when I was with him. Awkward. Got wounded by a comment he made but pushed past it.
Cindy M
6d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
6d ·

Was just reading your previous posts - glad it turned out to be good overall

Penelope P
6d ·

I can't stay upset because I adore him so much. Have never, ever felt a love like this before & it just gets stronger. It scares me & I know I'll end up so heartbroken again 😥

Penelope P
6d ·

Thanks Cindy bear, big hugs my friend x

Maite P
6d ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
6d ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
5d ·

*Hugs*

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3 Penelope P
7d ·
M picking me up in less than an hour and I keep getting all teary. This is so hard. A little part of me wishes he hadn't come back into my life because I'm finding this tougher than when he wasn't.
Oi O
7d · NEW

*Hugs*

me M
7d ·

*Hugs*

Kristina B
7d ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
7d ·

*Hugs*

Linda H
7d ·

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Cindy M
6d ·

*Hugs*

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4 Penelope P
7d ·
Going to my favourite place in the world with my favourite man in the world. Should be happier than this.
Curtis H
7d ·

*Hugs*

Maria F
7d ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
7d ·

*Hugs*

Linda H
7d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
6d ·

*Hugs*

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4 Penelope P
7d ·
Went to see a film with M, it was ok. I cooked him tea, I didn't need to but I offered. Also other stuff, feel a bit ashamed again. I just don't get much response. Seeing him tomorrow. Indifferent.
Penelope P
7d ·

I'm not saying I'm going off him, far from it. It's just how deep does one go without getting anything back. It can only keep going one way for so long.

Jenny D
7d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
6d ·

*Hugs*

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3 Penelope P
07 Nov 2018 ·
I still have a standby American Italian for flirts and I confess I've just emailed him. Even though I'm going out with M in 2 hours. Confused and messed up and needy for something he doesn't give me.
Jeff M
07 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
07 Nov 2018 ·

Ooo...nothing wrong with flirting! That can just be fun, and it's nice to enjoy someone liking you. Wish M was ready to be there for you the way you want, though...

me M
07 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
7d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
7d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
7d ·

Can't say it better than Jeff

Penelope P
7d ·

I feel a little deceitful but M knows that I have a male friend in the US. If he doesn't like it then he needs to step up which I know he won't do. It's just fantasy but I simply need to get reciprocation from someone.

Penelope P
7d ·

At least I get someone wanting me not just on their terms and although it isn't real, he says the right things and is open and makes me feel loved to a certain extent.

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5 Penelope P
06 Nov 2018 ·
M has clumsily asked me to the pictures tomorrow. Not that keen, lady business is due, can't really afford it & I'm still quite down. But I will go because I love him so much & want to see him.
Cindy M
06 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
06 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
06 Nov 2018 ·

Well make him pay! I don't see why he wouldn't! :) I know it's not what you want, but at least you can enjoy being with him and knowing he cares about you (if not the way you want). Hope you enjoy it!

Keeping Track A
06 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Kristina B
07 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Penelope P
07 Nov 2018 ·

Thanks for the hugs everyone. Jeff, we go Dutch because we are only friends and I always pay my own way with friends. Although I'm not used to all these outings so it's getting expensive for me now. 😟

Jeff M
07 Nov 2018 ·

Well tell him that. Maybe he'll offer to pay because of how much he enjoys your company.

Penelope P
7d ·

No costly things coming up planned. Out tomorrow but it will be free.

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3 Penelope P
06 Nov 2018 ·
Not a productive day again but I managed to cross one thing off my todo list. Then again, who says I need to be productive, I'm on hols so it's ok to rest and watch YouTube and play games. Isn't it?
Penelope P
06 Nov 2018 ·

At least I'm warm again and I'm actually going to eat some tea. M has been texting and been nice.

Maite P
06 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Kristina B
06 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
06 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

me M
06 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Maria K
06 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Maria K
06 Nov 2018 ·

Sounds nice. Envying....in a good way

Cindy M
06 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
06 Nov 2018 ·

Your holiday should be whatever you want - no need to be productive! Enjoy!

Alicia B
06 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
06 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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1 Penelope P
05 Nov 2018 ·
That feeling like you are nobody's priority, like nobody cares or gives you a minute's thought? Yeah, I know it may not be totally true. My mum & brother cares, M thinks about me when convenient...
Penelope P
05 Nov 2018 ·

...but I'm here, alone, in a cold, dark house. Going to bed because I can't deal with the world. Nobody even will check on me and why should they. I want to disappear so bad.

Xavier M
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Penelope P
05 Nov 2018 ·

And yes Pandas, I don't take my own advice, I don't practice what I preach. Really I have no one and never have and just have to suck it up.

Xavier M
05 Nov 2018 ·

Its fine, everyone doesn't practice what the preach at times, but you will find somebody. :)

Occamy S
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
05 Nov 2018 ·

I know exactly how you feel, Pen. :( *Big hugs*

me M
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

maria B
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tim T
05 Nov 2018 ·

That feeling sucks so hard.

Tristan G
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Keeping Track A
05 Nov 2018 ·

oh dear. I have felt like that at times Penelope. At one point I even thought that if I found a boyfriend, everything would be alright because 'then I would be someone's number one'. I remember telling my sister (that every other member of my family

Keeping Track A
05 Nov 2018 ·

had a romantic partner and I didn't and that thought about finding someone) and I could tell she felt very sad for me. I realise how wrong that was now, the clichéd - you have to be happy with yourself spiel and all that jazz! .. . Anyways, I can

Keeping Track A
05 Nov 2018 ·

definitely identify with how you are feeling. . .Try to remember that you are making an assumption when you have no thoughts. One thing I found with my family is that they hid how worried they were at times in an effort to protect me. It's how my Mom

Keeping Track A
05 Nov 2018 ·

sis and my bro perhaps a little less so deal with grief/emotional issues. . .Maybe your family/friends behave the same way. They hide how worried they are so as to not increase YOUR worry (even though they may not realise how much it hurts you that

Keeping Track A
05 Nov 2018 ·

they DON'T vocalise their concerns for you more often/address the issues head on rather than skirting around them . .. That's just been part of my experience. Certainly, there are other times when they definitely did not realise/simply didn't accept

Keeping Track A
05 Nov 2018 ·

when I used to try to tell them how low/trapped I was feeling. . . I agree with Xavier - not everyone practices what they preach. In fact I give people advice on time management/being assertive/looking after their mental health - when the truth is,

Keeping Track A
05 Nov 2018 ·

the only reason I know so much about that stuff is because I struggle so much with all of it myself. Sometimes, I'm not even aware of the fact that I am having negative thinking patterns/that I am carrying out certain behaviours in response to stress

Keeping Track A
05 Nov 2018 ·

The habits have been with me too long! . .. All in all, don't be too hard on yourself. You are the only person who has to live with yourself 100% of the time - make that a nice relationship. Be kind to yourself. Be the kindest person to yourself

Keeping Track A
05 Nov 2018 ·

that you can be. One thing that is certain is that not everyone in this world will be kind to you. . . So make sure you are the kindest person to yourself. :) . . . I hope your mood picks up Penelope! And remember, you are not alone through this!! xx

Keeping Track A
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
05 Nov 2018 ·

Well said, KT, and hugs to you, Penelope.

Anna D
06 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Penelope P
06 Nov 2018 ·

Thank you all and to you Keeping, your support is appreciated. Yes, I've got the man I've wanted for years but he doesn't want to be my boyfriend, just a friend with benefits which I hate. Sometimes I just get sick of my job...

Penelope P
06 Nov 2018 ·

, sick of being a tenant for the rest of my life, sick of having to deal with everything in my life alone all the time. Never having anyone spoiling me or really looking out for me. I just get weak from doing everything on my own.

Penelope P
06 Nov 2018 ·

The heating is now fixed but it's given me anxiety which I need time to get over. Simple things seem to catch me out. I guess I'm just at a low ebb and I will rise again. I am pleased that Pandas are here PPX

Keeping Track A
06 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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2 Penelope P
05 Nov 2018 ·
What a miserable start to what should have been an enjoyable break from work. Still wish I could run away and never be seen again.
Jeff M
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Xavier M
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Silke V
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Anna D
06 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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3 Penelope P
05 Nov 2018 ·
Cold. And now have the anxiety of dealing with agents and tradesmen which I'd rather not have to cope with on my week off.
tEnT S
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia D
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Gabrielle H
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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