5.6 avg
  1108 days
  8358 hugs
  152 followers
8 Penelope P
13m ·
Panic last night but quite good sleep after that. Went on a walk with my bro to my favourite place. Would have liked to have been with M. I miss him and I've told him.
Zoe D
11m ·

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6 Penelope P
22h ·
Text a friend happy birthday but it seems he's deleted me out of his phone. Another friend starts a convo but then just disappears. M not contacting me. Listening to 10 Years very loud & sulking.
Penelope P
22h ·

Seems ignoring me and forgetting about me is fine and yes that's what I'm used to so I will just blast my ears with music and f them all.

Penelope P
22h ·

Not really a 6, more of a 3 because ios12 has also peed me off.

Robert H
22h ·

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Anna D
39m ·

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Anna D
39m ·

Maybe he deleted you out not intentionally?

Penelope P
18m ·

@Anna, I would accept that if he had replied to my message on insta about a month ago but he ignored me then so it figures he just isn't fussed about keeping in touch, I'm fine with it, I don't need friends.

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5 Penelope P
2d ·
Back at work and it changes my personality completely. Not in a good way.
Maite P
2d ·

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paul M
2d ·

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Esther B
2d ·

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me M
2d ·

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Bipolar Bear .
2d ·

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Cindy M
2d ·

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Alicia B
1d ·

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Jeff M
1d ·

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6 Penelope P
3d ·
Still kind of empty yet full up with love and I know it's all wrong. Thoughts of running away yet again because I can't handle any kind of activity or change in my life. Odd.
Xavier M
3d · NEW

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Xavier M
3d · NEW

Same here, I also experience that and find those feelings odd, but don't do anything rash. Best regards, Xavier :)

Jen B
3d ·

I can really relate to this right now ❤️

Natalie K
3d · NEW

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Natalie K
3d · NEW

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Lydia R
3d ·

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Penelope P
3d ·

Thank you Xavier, Jen, Natalie and Lydia, I appreciate you all <3

Anna D
3d ·

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Jeff M
2d ·

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Cindy M
2d ·

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6 Penelope P
3d ·
Met a friend. Glad I got out of the house. Bit of contact with M. But now I am so numb and just staring into space.
Penelope P
3d ·

Thanks Panda chums x

nixiblu .
3d ·

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Lydia R
3d ·

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Jen B
3d ·

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Robert H
3d ·

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Anna D
3d ·

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Aurora R
3d ·

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Lucy S
3d · NEW

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Lucy S
3d · NEW

That's so great you went out and met a friend :)

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7 Penelope P
4d ·
Meeting a friend for coffee today. Can't talk about M so it will give me chance to switch off from him today. Not going to think, it always helps.
John T
3d ·

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tEnT S
3d ·

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Lydia R
3d ·

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Janine S
3d ·

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Jeff M
3d ·

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paul M
3d ·

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Alicia B
3d ·

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Anna D
3d ·

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8 Penelope P
4d ·
Had another great day with M. It sounds like he's kind of already looking to the future when we will be going for weekends away. I don't know. There's just something that scares me...
Penelope P
4d ·

...about a relationship. Not sure I can be everything he wants me to be. My relationships since the ex have been fake, insane, wrong. This one would be normal, real and right. Feel out of my depth.

Penelope P
4d ·

I feel like I just want to ignore him for a month or so. But I adore him and care for him I just want to be around him all the time. It's madness and yes, I'm an idiot when I've got what I so wanted.

Lydia R
4d ·

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Etta B
4d ·

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Cindy M
4d ·

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Alicia B
3d ·

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Alicia B
3d ·

It takes a while to get it right after a dysfunctional relationship(s). But you'll get there.

Penelope P
3d ·

But what if I'm the problem. I am so insecure and my moods go all over the place. I'm sure it is hard for someone to handle when they are with me a lot. I know he's a bit insecure too but I feel inadequate all the time.

Penelope P
3d ·

When I see friends it's every few weeks at the most. I am seeing M every week, maybe two or three times. He will suss me out and realise I am rubbish at being normal.

Alicia B
3d ·

Maybe you don't need to be normal, maybe he likes you the way you are :) I sure hope so, because you're amazing!

Penelope P
3d ·

Thanks Alicia, you are amazing too! He does like me because I'm quirky and different I suppose. But I'm always looking for the thing that's going to ruin it. I self sabotage a lot.

Alicia B
3d ·

I've always held a firm belief that sooner or later everything goes to ***. So at some point I decided to at least enjoy myself before that happens and not think about it. It helps! Even makes everything not go to *** all of the time.

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7 Penelope P
4d ·
Going out today with the man that I have loved like no other. I feel so lucky to have a second chance with him whilst also terrified that I'm going to stuff it up again. I wish I could relax about us.
Maite P
4d ·

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Robin R
4d ·

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Lydia R
4d ·

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paul M
4d ·

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Tasha S
4d ·

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Alicia B
4d ·

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Esther B
4d ·

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Cindy M
4d ·

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7 Penelope P
5d ·
Going out tomorrow with M. I'm happy but still struggle with the over thinking. Wondering how sustainable this is. Wondering where it's going. I know it's early days and I'm being stupid.
Keeping Track A
5d ·

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Keeping Track A
5d ·

I think it's normal to be a bit apprehensive at the start of a new relationship. In fact, one could even say it's beneficial as you are evaluating the relationship and ensuring it suits your needs rather than rushing into it head first!

Keeping Track A
5d ·

Don't be too hard on yourself! xx

Penelope P
5d ·

Thanks Keeping. I'm kind of putting the brakes on after already doing that rushing! <3

Shelley H
5d ·

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Lydia R
5d ·

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paul M
4d ·

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Alicia B
4d ·

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Cindy M
4d ·

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9 Penelope P
5d ·
Need some creative motivation today. Once I've done the ironing mountain then I want to dive into some bible art and journaling, Hope to have a nice day alone and not be pestered.
Penelope P
5d ·

Though it would be sweet to hear from M a little 😂

Lydia R
5d ·

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me M
5d ·

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Tasha S
5d ·

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paul M
5d ·

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Anna D
5d ·

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Cindy M
5d ·

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Esther B
5d ·

Enjoy your day Pen

Penelope P
5d ·

Thanks all, and thanks Esther, I did! <3

Alicia B
4d ·

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9 Penelope P
6d ·
Had a nice day to myself after a little stress at the hairdresser. Even four sp*ders in one day has not brought this arachnophobe down. Hopefully a restful day tomorrow.
Robert H
6d ·

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Lydia R
5d ·

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Tasha S
5d ·

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Anna D
5d ·

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Cindy M
5d ·

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9 Penelope P
6d ·
Going for some pampering this morning; the roots need doing. Nice to have a day to do what I want. I'm very content & happy. I'll sprinkle sparkle on my panda pals & wish you all a lovely Saturday x
me M
6d ·

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Lydia R
6d ·

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Kym S
6d ·

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Kym S
6d ·

I hope you enjoy your day

Robert H
6d ·

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paul M
6d ·

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nixiblu .
6d ·

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Cindy M
5d ·

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9 Penelope P
7d ·
Oh wow. Had such a wonderful day. He helps with my confidence and I was fine out and about. I know Pandas, we knew it would be better than feared. I like him even more, grateful to get a 2nd chance.
Penelope P
7d ·

We really get on so well. Hardly any anxiety at all. I cooked us tea again and I restrained myself and kept it just cuddles. Really, really happy.

Pen J
7d · NEW

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Cindy M
7d ·

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Tasha S
7d ·

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Charlotte W
7d ·

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Lydia R
7d ·

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Jeff M
6d ·

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paul M
6d ·

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nixiblu .
6d ·

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5 Penelope P
14 Sep 2018 ·
We are off to a museum today but I'm on lady business so I get nervous out in public, nervous about looking like an idiot, nervous about whether he'll still like me. Should enjoy it but, y'know.
Penelope P
14 Sep 2018 ·

If anyone else suffers from such anxieties, please know you are not alone. It's just we don't all shout out “hey I'm terrified” when out in public. Hope Pandas have a good day. Pen x

John T
7d ·

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Jeff M
7d ·

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Alicia B
7d ·

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Alicia B
7d ·

I used to feel like that, too. In a way I think I've shut down a lot of my emotions not to feel that. You are brave for still feeling them and being yourself. <3

Penelope P
7d ·

Thanks John, Jeff and Alicia x

nixiblu .
6d ·

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4 Penelope P
14 Sep 2018 ·
Can't sleep because too stressed out about going to the museum with M. If we see someone we know in town will he pretend he's not with me? What on Earth are we? Really bothered by this.
Penelope P
14 Sep 2018 ·

Friends that do relationship stuff. It's plain weird. I can't deal and also will find it hard to be so public even with strangers but in my home city.

Ingrid S
14 Sep 2018 · NEW

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Aurora R
14 Sep 2018 ·

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Shelley H
14 Sep 2018 ·

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me M
14 Sep 2018 ·

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Lydia R
14 Sep 2018 ·

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Lydia R
14 Sep 2018 ·

Can't you just ask him and have a honest conversation about this? It's a really important topic and would also drive me crazy. 🙁

Penelope P
14 Sep 2018 ·

He really struggles to talk about this kind of thing. I'm too wary that I'll scare him off. I like him so much I couldn't bear to lose him for a second time. I just have to put up with it. Thanks tho Lydia x

John T
7d ·

Maybe try to forget about the names and labels for things, and do things whatever they are when they feel right and comfortable. You can't read people's thoughts so just be yourself. That's the best one can do, so don't try to do the impossible.

Jeff M
7d ·

As usual, John has good advice. Just go with it right now and don't worry what others think or say. Just enjoy it! Live in the moment and take what comes. Happy for you!

Alicia B
7d ·

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Alicia B
7d ·

Yep, John's nailed it. It's not an easy thing to do though, I guess...

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4 Penelope P
13 Sep 2018 ·
Feel bad. Ignored M calling. At this time of the month I want to be left alone. I'm struggling now with the mask as it's like it has to permanently be on. He wants to go out tomorrow, dreading it.
Penelope P
13 Sep 2018 ·

I want to be happy but I don't know how to be confident, sociable, normal in public. He will tire of me if I'm like this too much.

me M
13 Sep 2018 ·

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Cindy M
13 Sep 2018 ·

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Lydia R
14 Sep 2018 ·

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Alicia B
7d ·

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5 Penelope P
13 Sep 2018 ·
I'm okay, it's just hormones. Had a nice walk and lunch today with a friend. I think lethargy is taking over but I'm happy to rest so that I can be good for tomorrow. If anything happens.
Lydia R
13 Sep 2018 ·

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Bipolar Bear .
13 Sep 2018 ·

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Vanessa V
13 Sep 2018 ·

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John T
13 Sep 2018 ·

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Jeff M
13 Sep 2018 ·

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Cindy M
13 Sep 2018 ·

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Alicia B
7d ·

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7 Penelope P
13 Sep 2018 ·
Off on a walk today with the mutt I sometimes sit for. Lady things have started. Feel a bit sensitive. Will miss M.
paul M
13 Sep 2018 ·

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Lydia R
13 Sep 2018 ·

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Cindy M
13 Sep 2018 ·

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Alicia B
7d ·

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nixiblu .
6d ·

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6 Penelope P
13 Sep 2018 ·
Because he won't commit I considered what I'd do if D returned and my conclusion was a bad one. Then he sends a sweet text and I feel like a btch. But it's our relationship in a nutshell.
Penelope P
13 Sep 2018 ·

Basically what happened first time around could still happen even though I adore him. He wouldn't fight for me 😢

Robert H
13 Sep 2018 ·

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Vanessa V
13 Sep 2018 ·

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paul M
13 Sep 2018 ·

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Lydia R
13 Sep 2018 ·

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Cindy M
13 Sep 2018 ·

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Alicia B
7d ·

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9 Penelope P
12 Sep 2018 ·
Had a nice, peaceful afternoon. Didn't get much done but I needed the rest. Missed him though, can't seem to get away from that feeling.
Alicia B
12 Sep 2018 ·

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Zoe D
12 Sep 2018 ·

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John T
12 Sep 2018 ·

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Kelly G
12 Sep 2018 ·

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Maite P
12 Sep 2018 ·

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Cindy M
12 Sep 2018 ·

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Lydia R
13 Sep 2018 ·

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