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  1568 days
  20398 hugs
  223 followers
4 Esther B
2d ·
Cancelled football. Didn't feel well. Anxious to be surrounded by 50.000 men. Bad sign that I cancel the thing that I love most. Body feels tired though. Cancelled run as well.
Lucy S
2d · NEW

*Hugs*

Tuxi A
2d ·

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Silke V
2d ·

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Silke V
2d ·

Hopefully tomorrow is a better day!

Xavier M
2d · NEW

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Cindy M
2d ·

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Margot L
2d ·

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DesBear D
2d ·

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John T
1d ·

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John T
1d ·

Maybe go to an lower league/semi pro/amateur match. Something about being stood out in the rain with a pint watching terrible players that is really soul stirring!

Jeff M
1d ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
1d ·

Sometimes you have to listen to your body and rest, and that's ok. Sometimes you have to tell your body to suck it up and get out and do things to recharge your mind/soul. Hard to tell when, though.

Esther B
1d ·

I can imagine John! Too bad I didn't go. It was a champions league game :(

John T
1d ·

The 3 - 0 win?? Yep... Definitely curse of hindsight! Don't blame yourself, just enjoy the 3 points.

Manda P
23h ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
23h ·

It's good to take those breaks when you know you need them. Well done, Esther! xx

Esther B
22h ·

Yes John! I'm happy indeed. I will go to the next 2 games so will be fine :-)

Esther B
22h ·

Thanks Manda xo

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3 Esther B
3d ·
Supposed to get clinical therapy in Nov or so. Now it's gonna be Dec or even later. I'm so fed up with waiting. Psychiatrist didn't call me as he promised. AGAIN. Is this a kind of technique? To see
Esther B
3d ·

How long ppl can wait until they get mental? What a lousy system. We have so much money in our country and healthcare system but we waste it on other things.

Zoe D
3d ·

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DesBear D
3d ·

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Lydia R
2d ·

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Jeff M
2d ·

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Jeff M
2d ·

That is a horrible system. The people who need help the most right away aren't getting it. :( I'm sorry, Esther. I hope you have support to get you through the waiting...

Robert H
2d ·

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sonny S
2d ·

*Hugs*

Tuxi A
2d ·

Wow... Is there any way to have your insurance pay for private treatment in such cases? In Germany, this can be an option, if you can show that all officially covered psychologists are unavailable and you need help urgently.

Tuxi A
2d ·

I have been working with a clinical psychologist through Talkspace for a couple of months now... It is probably not the same as face to face therapy and may not be right for you, but I found it very helpful.

Silke V
2d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
2d ·

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Esther B
1d ·

Thanks Tuxi. No if you want to be treated in a private clinic you have to pay it yourself unfortunately. From next week on I will have grouptherapy once a week though maybe that helps a bit.

Robert H
1d ·

That's a start. Hopefully, you'll get more support until the clinical therapy starts.

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4 Esther B
4d ·
Meh. Went to bed early last night but it didn't help. Having a major headache today while drinking a lot of water and taking it easy. Go away headache.
Henriette S
4d ·

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Johnny gonzales J
4d ·

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paul M
4d ·

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Silke V
4d ·

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Penelope P
4d ·

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Manda P
4d ·

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Manda P
4d ·

Hope you're feeling better by now, Esther. xx

Cindy M
4d ·

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Jeff M
3d ·

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DesBear D
3d ·

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3 Esther B
6d ·
Sad. Football didn't cheer me up. Wanna disappear.
Penelope P
6d ·

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Love 1
5d ·

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Esther B
5d ·

This has nothing to do with other ppl charly

Manda P
6d ·

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DesBear D
6d ·

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Tasha S
5d ·

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Cindy M
5d ·

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Silke V
5d ·

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Margot L
5d ·

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Lydia R
5d ·

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Simone A
6d · NEW

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Robert H
6d ·

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Charly P
6d · NEW

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Charly P
6d · NEW

Don't feel discouraged about what people say or do. Just keep on living your life and forget them.

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5 Esther B
12 Sep 2018 ·
Back home now. Need to make a plan to get more rest. Maybe work a little less. Will talk to company's doctor Friday.
Kelly G
12 Sep 2018 ·

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John T
12 Sep 2018 ·

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John T
12 Sep 2018 ·

That sounds very sensible.

Jeff M
12 Sep 2018 ·

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Maite P
12 Sep 2018 ·

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Cindy M
12 Sep 2018 ·

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Cindy M
12 Sep 2018 ·

Good plan - hope the dr is helpful xx

DesBear D
13 Sep 2018 ·

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sonny S
7d ·

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Manda P
7d ·

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Manda P
7d ·

Good to have a plan like that in motion. Hope you have settled into being home. Thinking of you, Esther. xx

Reba H
6d ·

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Silke V
5d ·

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3 Esther B
11 Sep 2018 ·
Sad but I won't allow myself to be sad. They say I push myself too much. Work / running / starting clinical therapy soon. I don't know..I just want to be better.
Penelope P
11 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Penelope P
11 Sep 2018 ·

I'm sure you will be at some point if you keep faith in yourself x

Jeff M
11 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
11 Sep 2018 ·

I do the same thing...want results NOW! But to be better for the long run, you have to work at it... I'm glad you are working at it!

paul M
11 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
11 Sep 2018 ·

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John T
11 Sep 2018 ·

Sometimes a rest can put thing in perspective. It is possible to put your effort into relaxing too, it can really pay off for your mood.

Tasha S
11 Sep 2018 ·

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Cindy M
11 Sep 2018 ·

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Reba H
12 Sep 2018 ·

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Silke V
12 Sep 2018 ·

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DesBear D
12 Sep 2018 ·

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Reba H
6d ·

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4 Esther B
09 Sep 2018 ·
Going to psychiatric institution tonight. Feeling lost. Longing for connection with something or someone.
John W
09 Sep 2018 ·

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Penelope P
09 Sep 2018 ·

Please be safe sweet Esther and keep holding on. You will get better I am sure. Your Panda friends understand and are here for you anytime x

Penelope P
09 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
09 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
09 Sep 2018 ·

Really hope this will help you. Thinking of you! <3

Cindy M
09 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
09 Sep 2018 ·

We do understand, dear Esther - been to that horrible place. Glad you will be safe and hope you get help and support you need. Keeping you in my thoughts xx

John T
09 Sep 2018 ·

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Tasha S
09 Sep 2018 ·

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Manda P
09 Sep 2018 ·

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Manda P
09 Sep 2018 ·

Thinking of you, dear Esther. This'll turn out great for you. I know it! xx

Jeff M
10 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
10 Sep 2018 ·

I hope you're getting help, Esther, that they're able to give you ways to cope and get through these difficult days. Thinking of you a lot. I know there are people who care about you (like us!) and connect with you. You can do this...you're so strong

Margot L
11 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Esther B
6d ·

Thanks a lot for your hugs and comments. I'm sorry that I didn't reply in a decent way. I owe you xoxo

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3 Esther B
06 Sep 2018 ·
Guess he didn't like it as much as I did. Feeling used. Gonna stay at psychiatric ward a few days from Sunday. Dont know how to survive.
Love 1
07 Sep 2018 ·

:(

sonny S
06 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
06 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
06 Sep 2018 ·

I hope the professionals are able to help you find ways to get through your days... I'm glad you're getting help right now. Rooting for you so hard, Esther!

DesBear D
07 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Reba H
09 Sep 2018 ·

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Cindy M
06 Sep 2018 ·

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Silke V
07 Sep 2018 ·

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Margot L
07 Sep 2018 ·

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Lydia R
09 Sep 2018 ·

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2 Esther B
05 Sep 2018 ·
When you ask for professional help and no one is answering their phone. Good for my trust in healthcare.
Ida T
05 Sep 2018 ·

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Jeff M
05 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
05 Sep 2018 ·

Wow...that's horrible. I hope you have someone you can call to at least talk to, like family or a friend so you're not totally alone. Dogs are good company at least...hope you're ok, Esther!

Robert H
05 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
05 Sep 2018 ·

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paul M
05 Sep 2018 ·

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DesBear D
05 Sep 2018 ·

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Cindy M
05 Sep 2018 ·

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Cindy M
05 Sep 2018 ·

Really sorry xx

nixiblu .
05 Sep 2018 ·

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Esther B
06 Sep 2018 ·

Thanks. Apparently there was something wrong with their phone..

sonny S
06 Sep 2018 ·

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Silke V
07 Sep 2018 ·

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Lydia R
09 Sep 2018 ·

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3 Esther B
04 Sep 2018 ·
Not in a good place. Friends are worried. Gonna call psychiatric departement to see If I can stay over a few days
Lydia R
04 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Zoe D
04 Sep 2018 ·

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V R
04 Sep 2018 ·

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Robert H
04 Sep 2018 ·

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Silke V
04 Sep 2018 ·

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Maite P
04 Sep 2018 ·

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Penelope P
04 Sep 2018 ·

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Cindy M
04 Sep 2018 ·

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Cindy M
04 Sep 2018 ·

Hope they can help - thinking of you xx

Jeff M
04 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
04 Sep 2018 ·

Will be thinking of you too, Esther. Hope you are ok. Glad you're getting help and glad you have people worried about you! Sending you lots of strength!!!

Love 1
05 Sep 2018 ·

Sometimes we need a friend or a pro to help us through difficult times.

Esther B
05 Sep 2018 ·

Thanks all. I'm on my own atm. Babysitting parents dog.

DesBear D
05 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
05 Sep 2018 ·

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3 Esther B
04 Sep 2018 ·
Still sad..it's getting worse. Feeling hopeless.
Brendan N
04 Sep 2018 ·

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Brendan N
04 Sep 2018 ·

Is there anyone you can talk to Esther? Communication is key, dont suffer alone.

Lydia R
04 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
04 Sep 2018 ·

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Cindy M
04 Sep 2018 ·

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DesBear D
05 Sep 2018 ·

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3 Esther B
03 Sep 2018 ·
Messaged ex again. I only do that when I'm really low. Another signal. Yay.
Cindy M
03 Sep 2018 ·

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Cindy M
03 Sep 2018 ·

big hugs dear Esther xx

Robert H
03 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Maite P
03 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Love 1
04 Sep 2018 ·

Let's meet on Turks & Caicos. We can walk on the beach and munch on bamboo shoots while watching the sun set.

Lydia R
04 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Esther B
04 Sep 2018 ·

Good idea Love. I'm having a week off so why not?

Jeff M
04 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Love 1
04 Sep 2018 ·

Ahh, if it's a week, we should meet in Cuba. We can sip bamboo mojitos whilst listening to live rumba on a beach in Havana. Heading that way in December.

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3 Esther B
03 Sep 2018 ·
Sad. Can't see any light. Dark all around me. Wish I could just sleep and never wake up.
Tuxi A
03 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tuxi A
03 Sep 2018 ·

I hope it'll get better...

me M
03 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Penelope P
03 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Penelope P
03 Sep 2018 ·

Please hang in there Esther, I'm sure it will get better for you. If I can make it through, anyone can. Big hugs.

Lydia R
03 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

V R
03 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
03 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
03 Sep 2018 ·

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Cindy M
03 Sep 2018 ·

Lots of love, Esther - wishing you can feel hope again xx

Jeff M
04 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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2 Esther B
02 Sep 2018 ·
Today I realised I'm longing for contact and a relationship to full up my emptiness. That is never going to happen. So why should I keep on trying? It's useless. Last Sunday evening I was so happy now
Esther B
02 Sep 2018 ·

I'm struggling and struggling to keep my head up.

Janine S
02 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Janine S
02 Sep 2018 ·

You're not alone 🤗

nixiblu .
02 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
02 Sep 2018 ·

And time and feelings cycle. Another week, and you will be on good form again

Lydia R
02 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
02 Sep 2018 ·

Same here, Esther. I'm feeling the loneliness quite powerful at the moment. Hope it gets better for you soon!

Ida T
02 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
02 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Robert H
02 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Johnny gonzales J
02 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

paul M
03 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Esther B
03 Sep 2018 ·

I don't know Nixi. I was happy with someone's company but guess he didn't like it that much

Cindy M
03 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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1 Esther B
25 Aug 2018 ·
Can this stop please. Im so done with this life
Pete F
25 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Wendy J
25 Aug 2018 ·

I understand the feeling esther, life is hard. Esp when all you can see is black. It does get better though, you just gotta hold on.

Kara L
25 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Kristian J
25 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Silke V
25 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Reba H
26 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
26 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tuxi A
28 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Reba H
29 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
09 Sep 2018 ·

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3 Esther B
24 Aug 2018 ·
WishI could disappear. With 5 other ppl but never felt so lonely
Maite P
24 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Luke G
25 Aug 2018 ·

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DesBear D
25 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Johnny gonzales J
25 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Kara L
25 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Silke V
25 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Silke V
25 Aug 2018 ·

I'm sorry to hear Esther. You can always text me!

DesBear D
26 Aug 2018 ·

❤️❤️❤️

Lydia R
09 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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6 Esther B
24 Aug 2018 ·
55 min run. I can do better then my mind tells me I can
me M
24 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
24 Aug 2018 ·

Well done, I am coming back from injury so did a little 20 minutes earlier. If your weather was anything like here, you chose a nice cool day!

John T
24 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
24 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
24 Aug 2018 ·

Yay Esther!

Silke V
24 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
24 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
24 Aug 2018 ·

Well done, Esther!! That had to feel great!

Manda P
24 Aug 2018 ·

Oh, I added the book to my wish list. Can't wait till my next book order!

DesBear D
25 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Kara L
25 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
09 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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5 Esther B
23 Aug 2018 ·
I've had 2 compliments about my looks today by a friend and my manager. Weird how I apparently look good but feel completely numb /sad / lonely at the same time
me M
23 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
23 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
23 Aug 2018 ·

Sadly, no one can see how we feel. But it's nice to be complimented, I suppose. Remember, they didn't have to say anything. They're being nice, which is always pleasant!

sonny S
23 Aug 2018 ·

I feel the exact same way and it's starting feel heavy on me

Margot L
23 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
23 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
23 Aug 2018 ·

Oh Esther you're beautiful! May you get to a place where you can enjoy it. Wishing you hope for no and keeping you in my thoughts xx

Penelope P
23 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
24 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Kara L
24 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Love 1
24 Aug 2018 ·

I don't know what you like on the outside, but you are beautiful on the inside. I see longing in the sadness for the most precious gifts: love, compassion & connection. Embrace sadness, it points to the divine within you.

Reba H
26 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
09 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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5 Esther B
23 Aug 2018 ·
Headache and feeling lonely
Jeff M
23 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

sonny S
23 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
23 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Penelope P
23 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Rian B
24 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
24 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Kara L
24 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
09 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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4 Esther B
22 Aug 2018 ·
Feeling lonely. Maybe it's because I'm reading 'Eleanor Oliphant' and it makes me sad.
Manda P
22 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
22 Aug 2018 ·

Hi, Esther! 🤗 Hope you are able to have a good evening. 💖

Love 1
22 Aug 2018 ·

I will snuggle up to you in spirit and hold your hand and just sit, comforting you. :)

DesBear D
22 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
22 Aug 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
22 Aug 2018 ·

Thinking of you - several people have recommended that book to me but I've been afraid to try it (for now)

Esther B
23 Aug 2018 ·

Thanks Love and Manda. I did have a good night thanks to soccer and friends.

Esther B
23 Aug 2018 ·

And Cindy I'm at the 'bad times' part of the book so it just feels like it's about me. A lot of recognition.

Manda P
24 Aug 2018 ·

I'm going to have to look into this book. Thanks for mentioning it! 💖

Esther B
24 Aug 2018 ·

It's lovely Manda. A bit sad sometimes but I think it's a mustread

Lydia R
09 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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