If he said no to you going away then he believes in you - that can only be a good thing.
You've messed up, but you bring him more joy than pain, I'm sure. Sometimes you hurt him, sometimes he hurts you, too, doesn't he? It's inevitable. But you make each other happy, too. And no-one is happy 100 per cent of the time, right?
Thank you Brendan & Alicia. You guys have made me feel better. Plus, my Mom reminded me that it's not like he never hurts me. He belittles my struggles with my disorders & that really hurts. The pain I cause is a direct result of my disorder though.
Thanks for the hugs, Pandas. 💖
Oh Manda :( big hugs to you! Is there anyone you can reach out to? I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I'm sure you don't *** everything up! Hang in there, us pandas are here for ya lady ❤
Thanks, BB. No one to reach out to but family & global friends so I'm pretty alone. BF just left the room near tears saying I don't care about him. Now I really don't see the point of me being here. Thanks for the hug, Pete.
Oh mate. Hang on in there. Sounds like it's a tough time. Do whatever you need to do to get through this, stay safe. We are here for you xxx
Keep talking, communication is key. Glad to see that you can get it out there, do not be afraid to ask for support. Just look at the love already shown by all these good and like minded people. Always here....mind yerself 😁
Hang in there! This must be very hard for you but you will come true this. this too shall pass. Lots of hugs
Dear Manda, please hang in there - things won't always be so hard, and there's so much love for you. You're in my thoughts xx
Thank you, Pandas. I don't know what I'd do without you. 💖
Please don't go away :( we all care about you very much x
Like John says, no feeling is forever. It helps me to think about that. Plus, your daughter and your BF need you, don't forget what it would mean to them if you were gone… Spit their lives in half. I hope I don't sound mean, I don't mean to be.
Thank you, Tasha, Alicia, & sonny. When I saw how much pain I cause him, I immediately wanted to distance myself so it would stop, but know that can't be the answer.
There will always be some level of pain in relationships, we hurt each other when we dont mean to, it is unavoidable sometimes. BUT it can be strengthening to you both as painful as it may be. You are loved my friend
Where does she work?
Afraid new med is making things worse. Love new therapist. She told me a new psychiatrist is coming to the center in October & he may want to do transcranial magnetic stimulation on me. Supposed to be non-invasive. Therapist said no ECT bcuz of...
...the memory loss. Guys, I'm falling apart. 😢
If it feels wrong, don't do it. Make sure you get onto the right meds. Stay strong.
☹ sounds a tough one, maybe speak through concerns with therapist first about your new meds x
Try as best you can not to worry about the new Psychiatrist, all treatments must have your consent/ permission! I know you can get through this your a tough cookie 🙂🍪x
ECT ruined my granny, she went from being a bubbly, excitable personality, to a lifeless, one mood zombie. Poor thing, I wish had known her when she was younger.
Thinking of you lots Manda Bear. You'll get through this, you are a strong one. I know this for fact ❤️
Thank you, Pandas. 💖
I hope so too, Manda! Gotta keep perspective, I guess. It's just another day, and you've gotten through a lot of days, and you can get through this one!
And they'll be back, and they love you, and pandas love you, too. Big hugs, my dear friend.
Yay Amanda! 🤩
Thank you, Pandas. I handled the whole day like it was any other normal school day. Already used to it & glad to have a little time to myself. The only time I really got it this summer was when I was up in the middle of the night & I hated that.
...months of this. He actually went back through my entire 11.5 year file & found one that worked years ago & I had only stopped because of weight gain. 1st dose at bed.
2nd opinion being the 1st person you saw. ???
In my book that's no second opinion.
I'm so sorry Manda that you are not getting the help that you need, nor deserve. However, that they have found something in your past that has worked may be a positive step, indicating this therapist is the one
Wrt weight gain. I think mental happiness is more important (imo) and can you find exercise you enjoy
I think my messages are in reverse order????
That has to be really frustrating...I know you have been trying so hard. Maybe an actual second opinion will help...a different point of view with different ideas. I'm sorry, Manda...sending you lots of hugs and strength to keep trying!
Thank you, nixi & Jeff. 💖 Nixi, I'm being moved back to her anyway. I go to a mental health center & have government insurance so my options are limited. We just got home from Urgent Care due to BF's wasp sting & tomorrow is the 1st day of school!
man that must me very irritating :(
Sad- It's really frustrating. This is now a 10 month long episode. I'm tired of it. I feel like I won't ever be stable again. Thanks for the hugs, Tasha & Lydia. 💖
I'm not sure I know what a mixed episode is, I should read about it. It sounds so exhausting :( But I'm sure there is something to help you out there, just keep trying, and don't give up, we all want you here with us. <3
I'm sorry you're going through this. Wish I could help.
Thanks, my Panda friends. Alicia- It's a nice big mess of mania & depression happening at the same time. It's awful!
...how it'll go in a 10 month long Bipolar 1, mixed episode with rapid cycling. My guess? Not good. Mom said she'd help me & I can text Sis. BF said I could text him but originally said, 'You know, we are going to have a really hard time too.' Of...
...course I know that! I got very upset. I'm sure it's tough because of the whole summer break thing, but they are just returning to work & school. I'm experiencing severe Depression while also being manic out of my mind.
Lots of love and strength to you dear Manda xx
It's good to know that you're facing a difficult time. Logic can tell you that you'll get through it, I guess. I hope you're able to get support from your mom and sis, and know you will push through and come out the other side. Lots of strength!
I've noticed that sometimes when dealing with my Borderline friend I say these egocentric things, too. Like, 'You're not the only one who's suffering here, and not the only one who's suffering from your episodes! AND I have a diagnosis of my own'.
It's not that I want him to shut up and go away, I just want to be heard and seen and paid attention to. But I know it's the wrong way to put it. Maybe your BF will also try to express these feelings better.
I've lost how to talk to him, Alicia. I'm so, so lost. 😢
:( I hope it's only temporary, big hugs
Glad you can call tomorrow - look after yourself xx
Thanks, Cindy! Less than 12 hours till I can call. Tonight has been a horrible mess. 😢
Hope the night went ok after that, Manda...panic attacks are the worst. :( *Big hugs*
Also, had a panic attack last night while daughter had 2 friends spending the night. Thank goodness I was in our bedroom. Really hoping it's not the new med causing this!
Thank you, Pandas. I ended up taking the cold medicine & got 3.5 more hours of sleep. Feel ok now that I've 'relaxed'. Have been incredibly irritable lately too though. Going to movies, dinner, & a couple quick stops this afternoon. Can't stress.
Going to call 8AM on Monday if this continues! And, Jeff, panic attacks are the worst. My chest hurt SO much. Stupid thing lasted over 15 minutes. 😔
Thank you, Pandas. I managed some amount of sleep. Not exactly sure how much. I still feel super tired but it's just depression.
Hate the no sleep phases. Hope it's not the meds, too. 😚
Poor Manda. Hope you manage to get a better night's sleep tonight! xxx
Big hugs Amanda 💚 xx
Thank you, Natalie xx And thanks for the hugs, Pandas! 💜
...experience MIXED EPISODES. C'mon, dude! How was that not clear?! Great professionals I'm in the hands of, huh? He was quick with an option once he realized that though. 🤞
Sometimes you have to push to get them to listen and understand. Good for you for advocating for yourself and making sure you get the right option! Hope it helps, Manda!
Thanks, Jeff. I went in with a paper list like I do therapy & it seemed to make a big difference. I know my disorders & symptoms well. There are tons of different types of Bipolar Disorder, but the person having me take brain chemical altering...
...substances should understand what the hell they are doing! So glad that is cleared up. I will only see him a couple more times before I switch back to the lady that ditched me. 😔
Thanks for the hugs, Pandas. 💚💜
Hope the connection cancels out the long drive.
Thank you, Love. We had a really nice time. Thanks for the hugs, Pandas! 💚
...wait 30 min. Cried right there at the register. Horrible mess. Had BF take me on date. Ordered beer that was $8 instead of $4. Cried in restaurant. Got drunk & other things. Woke up naked to an empty house. Forgot BF had to work & daughter is...
...with MIL. Cried twice before I even had breakfast. 120 lbs. I think I might die.
Also, even 70 year old & 40-something new therapist both laughed & told me BF just doesn't have the libido he used to. He said we had a miscommunication those 2 nights. Gotta communicate!
BF said it was s miscommunication, I mean.
Thank you for the hugs! 💚
Bumps in the road, but you keep on keepin on. Commendable.
What Love said. Why do you say you might die? Don't die, lil Manda.
Aw, Manda, some days will be hard. You got through it. You know I never resented the self-medication route with alcohol to get through those hard days. I hope today is better for you!
Thank you, sweet Pandas! I'm feeling better. Have had to force myself to do yoga though which disappointed me.
...energy & helps me sleep well. I just don't get it. Oh well. Let the walls begin.
There are other outlets Manda, like exercise and such. Plus other things...
Thanks, Jeff. I know I'm going about today all the wrong way. I even ate something between meals & we never do that. I just feel so sad. As you guys know, there were major issues in that area pretty much ever since I started meds so when this...
...hyper sexuality symptom kicked in, we both were obviously beyond thrilled. I felt like a kid waiting until it was safe to do it & not being able to keep our hands off each other until then. We were supposed to take advantage of the days before...
...my period but I guess he changed his mind. I'm back to feeling like I don't even belong here.
More hugs...I hope you can combat those feelings, because you know it's just your brain messing with you. Talk to him and be open with each other...I hope you figure out how best to deal with those feelings!
Ugh it must be so frustrating. And rejection is never easy to take. We're all vulnerable to it. Even if it's percieved.
I learned my lesson: Keep distance!
...situations before they even start. 1st time, he'd bring me back a coffee. 2nd time, nothing so I took medicine. I figure they get to go experience this totally new life changer together & without me while they do whatever it is you do at...
...church. Least I can do is 'relax' one more time & enjoy some me time while they're gone. Tummy upset. It was RUINED on our trip. But, yeah, then I'm guaranteed not to slip up & can be normal when they get home from church.
It must be so hard, Manda - I don't really believe anything, and I can't imagine how I would act if the people I'm closest to started exploring religion. Think it's great that you're trying to give them space and time to do so xx
Aw, Cindy. Thought brought those tears out. No one has looked it as I feel. Can't remember if I said, but I always classified as an Agnostic until BF provided his proof of no god. 😢 Thank you, my Dear. xx I'm listening on my really nice computer...
...speakers I had BF buy so I can pay him back because they were on sale. Sounds awesome SUPER loud!
I bet it's difficult to see them going through this together and feeling you're not a part of it. Especially something that people experience so viscerally as faith. It's not like they have a new hobby or pastime... But like you said, it gives you...
...some time by yourself. And you can be happy for them. At least they're not making you feel less or something. They're allowing you your own beliefs and opinions, and that's good! Hope your day got better...
You're right, Jeff. It is a good thing. I still cried while they were away but surely it's just the depression. Can't even remember how my day turned out. Thanks though!
Awesome.Building core strength & flexibility
Planks are hard, you rock!
Yes, Love & Alicia! I feeling amazing & have only just barely got started. I have made a lot of progress since I started though! 💪
Oh, he doesn't dislike the flexibility either! 😂😂😂
...out in next year. Becoming closer with family. Talking to Sis often. She said a lot of things that made me feel better because she's the ONLY person that TRULY understands since she shares the same genes & lived it with me.
...BF up, but daughter was already downstairs when I went to the bathroom. It's not like I didn't want to because, trust me, I could just be a never ending wave of 'happiness' due to mania. C'mon, who would turn that down?!
Sounds nice 😍 wish I was like that again, too. But it's too much for most people. Your BF is great 😁
Yep, I think I had forgotten exactly how nice it was. I told BF I need to rewind him 13 years to keep up! 😂
Well done :) Go Manda! x
Man, I think cutting out coffee may make me useless for a few weeks. I have been so sleepy lately, it's all I have to get through the day. Good for you, strong Mandabear!
Thank you, Natalie & Jeff. I don't know what's gotten into me, but it's like I actually care about myself! 😳 Thank you for the hugs, Pandas! 💚
I love whatever's gotten into you 😁
Aw, thanks, Alicia! It is definitely a welcome change!