4.9 avg
  853 days
  7994 hugs
  166 followers
7 Manda P
3d ·
Starting Clozapine & weaning off Seroquel. It wasn't doing sh*t. Super serious time now. My blood draws will be every Wednesday for 6 months & then monthly for as long as I'm on it. You have to be...
Manda P
3d ·

...registered in some kind of database where the pharmacy will only give 7 day supply until they get you next results & then they hand out another 7. This *** is crazy. Gotta go to a new pharmacy for it but it's not too far from home & pretty sure..

Manda P
3d ·

...it's an easy parking lot which you guys know is essential! So, yep, if all goes well I take my first dose tonight.

Manda P
3d ·

Daughter spending the night with MIL. He said he has come down with so

John T
3d ·

*Hugs*

John T
3d ·

Good luck! I hope it works well for you.

Natalie C
3d ·

Glad to hear you have had a better day. Fingers crossed with the new medication. Hope it works with minimal side effects xx

Gabrielle H
3d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
3d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
3d ·

Hope this helps xx

Manda P
3d ·

Thanks, Pandas. Of course there was a million things to deal with & we found out my labs from last week are invalid so back I go Monday for that. Hospital parking lot causes a lot of anxiety. πŸ˜”

Jeff M
3d ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
3d ·

I hope this helps you, sweet Mandabear!

Manda P
3d ·

Thanks, Jeff! πŸ’š I've put high hopes on it because it's known to work miracles. Also because I have a feeling they are really going to try & push ECT on me if it doesn't work. He brought it up today & I said no way because my Mom & husband don't...

Manda P
3d ·

...want me to do it & I know it can cause significant memory loss which is something I definitely don't need to make worse!

DesBear D
3d ·

*Hugs*

Esther B
2d ·

I hope it will help you dear Amanda. You're in my thoughts

Margot L
2d ·

*Hugs*

Once logged in you can be part of the community
2 Manda P
4d ·
BF flirted with the girl at the restaurant. Can't say he wasn't because he wouldn't have said it if it was a guy. He is also going to get a styled haircut & a new facial hair look. Want to die.
Natalie C
4d ·

*Hugs*

Cody I
4d ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
4d ·

How hurtful & insensitive ☹ im so sorry! You deserve to be treated so much better. Forget him & go and treat yourself to something nice or a book/ cuppa tea & cuddles with cat 😊 xx

Manda P
4d ·

Thanks, Natalie. That was exactly my plan but he got me to say what was upsetting me & insisted he wasn't flirting & that it was just small talk. πŸ™„ He is making me watch TV with him. I'm sitting out here for awhile so he'll just leave me alone.

Manda P
4d ·

Will definitely be going to bed soon. My sweet cat, Sophie, gave me lots of love. She always makes me feel better. Hope you have sweet dreams tonight, Natalie & thanks for the hug, Cody. πŸ’š

Jeff M
4d ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
4d ·

From a guy's perspective, we do stupid things. Sometimes we flirt without intending it...perhaps a pretty girl gives us attention when we don't expect it, and it makes us feel good. It can be unintentional and certainly not meant to imply...

Jeff M
4d ·

...anything. It is stupid for sure, and I'm sorry he did that. But try not to read too much into a new hairstyle. Sometimes guys, like girls, just want to feel good about themselves and just want a change.

Jeff M
4d ·

It's ok to talk to him about it. I'm sure he cares about you first and foremost. But also, you have the right to know and be taken seriously and be the focus here. I hope he realizes that too! *Big hugs*

Cindy M
3d ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
3d ·

Thanks, JeffBear! We eventually talked about it & there is obviously a lot going on in this brain of mine right now but we got to the bottom of it. He still insists it was small talk. I figured out why I was reacting poorly over the hair changes &...

Manda P
3d ·

...& perceived flirting. It's the goddamn awful eating disorder. Ruins EVERYTHING!

Manda P
3d ·

Thanks for the hug, Cindy. xx

Cindy M
3d ·

Glad you were able to talk about and reflect on it.

Manda P
3d ·

Yes, Cindy. It was very nice & even though it was messy, I felt progress was made!

Jeff M
3d ·

Do T think it's your fault, Manda! You have the right to feel how you feel! But I'm so glad you talked about it!

Jeff M
3d ·

*Don't

Manda P
3d ·

Well, my general rule is to think everything is my fault. 😜

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5 Manda P
4d ·
Trying to keep it cool. Waiting for daughter to come out of school. BF let me know she got White Rabbit in the school play. I think everyone was expecting more. She's got the talent, no...
Manda P
4d ·

...question, it's just the b*tch of a teacher that runs it. BF's test scores make it obvious that she SUCKS at her job so she's always β€œpunished” daughter for it. She was her teacher last year. Can't wait till she gets to Jr. High next year. New...

Manda P
4d ·

...play director & three plays a year. She will get what she deserves. Mom told me to tell her to give them the best damn White Rabbit they've ever seen & not let ignorant people win.

Metron A
4d ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
4d ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
4d ·

The white rabbit may not be the biggest part, but it's a cool character and super important! I am sure she'll be amazing at it!

Margot L
4d ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
4d ·

You're right, Jeff. When he told me I immediately said how awesome the part was & how she'd kill it but BF got in my head. Daughter & friends checked out a script online because they didn't get their's yet & White Rabbit actually had a lot of lines.

Manda P
4d ·

We'll see. I'm already super pumped to see the performance even though it's not till February. 😣 Thanks for the hugs, Pandas. πŸ’š

Cindy M
3d ·

*Hugs*

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6 Manda P
5d ·
Feeling hopeful. My dearest friend possibly saved my life today. I was already back peddling on all the progress I made with my ED once I hit 130lbs but they pointed out how that would be a...
Manda P
5d ·

...a very dangerous thing to do if I was going on a med that could drastically lower my white blood cell count. I'm going to work my way through small goals of eventually not even weighing myself. I'm already back down to 126lbs so I'm not worried.

Jeff M
5d ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
5d ·

I cut out a lot of the binging just recently which is why I'm losing. I'm confident it'll balance out to a HEALTHY weight.

Jeff M
5d ·

Sometimes the universe sends us those people when we most need them! I hope you managed to be healthy and on the medication to help you without letting your ED take over! *Big Hugs*

Manda P
5d ·

Thanks, Jeff. The universe absolutely positively wants this person in my life. That's been known for a long time. I see my psychiatrist on Friday so we'll see if I'm actually starting this med or not.

sonny S
5d ·

*Hugs*

Silke V
5d ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
5d ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
5d ·

Manda panda. Wishing you much love

Manda P
5d ·

Aw, thank you, my sweet nixi! πŸ’™πŸ’™

Bipolar Bear .
5d ·

*Hugs*

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3 Manda P
13 Oct 2018 ·
Argument w/BF last night over sex. Thought it was in the past. Woke up, 'relaxed', sat down at PC to hang out w/him today & brings the f*cking sh*t back up! He's the one who was being totally nice...
Manda P
13 Oct 2018 ·

...& saying that it was ok & we didn't have to do it so why is he making a big deal out of the fact that we didn't do it?! He brought all this up w/daughter in hearing distance. I eventually walked away. In bed for the day. F*ck this sh*t. I just...

Manda P
13 Oct 2018 ·

...wasted WAY too many tears over that. Sis calmed me down through texts. Thankful for her.

John T
13 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Penelope P
13 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
13 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
13 Oct 2018 ·

Glad your sister was a good support - hope you guys can work through this. Relationships are hard..

Natalie C
13 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Margot L
13 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
14 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
7d ·

Thanks, Cindy. It was messy, but we made it through. Brought up the crappy way I treat BF in general. Will try harder to not do that. Thanks for the hugs, Pandas. xx

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5 Manda P
12 Oct 2018 ·
Dinner w/older bro & fam tonight. Feel panicky even though I totally shouldn't. BF has had one nephew in class & has the other now. They love him to death. We will laugh a lot. Not ordering a beer.
Ali S
12 Oct 2018 · NEW

*Hugs*

Sam B
12 Oct 2018 · NEW

*Hugs*

Cindy M
12 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
12 Oct 2018 ·

Hope it goes well - sounds like it should be fun

Maite P
12 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jen B
13 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
13 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
13 Oct 2018 ·

You're a strong lady!

DesBear D
13 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
13 Oct 2018 ·

Thanks, Cindy & Alicia. I think everyone had a great time & I only thought about the beer once after we sat down. Quite the success I'd say. Thanks for the hugs, Pandas. πŸ’–

Natalie C
13 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
13 Oct 2018 ·

Glad to hear you had a good night xx

Manda P
7d ·

Thanks, Natalie! xx

Alicia B
5d ·

*Hugs*

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5 Manda P
09 Oct 2018 ·
Feel lower but not gonna let BF get me down. Got pissed before we even made it home after picking them up. Therapy today. Notes look great, now to put to use. Too fat. Trying to not obsess. Difficult.
Jeff M
09 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
09 Oct 2018 ·

Aw, I wish I could tell everyone (myself included) when they (and me) say 'too fat' that you're (and maybe me?) so beautiful and full of worth! *Big hugs*

Pamela H
09 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Bipolar Bear .
10 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
10 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Margot L
10 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
10 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
11 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jen B
11 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
12 Oct 2018 ·

Aw, thanks, Jeff. I wish we could all say that too. Thanks for the hugs, Pandas! πŸ’œ

Ali S
12 Oct 2018 · NEW

*Hugs*

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5 Manda P
07 Oct 2018 ·
Outside 'relaxing' while BF & daughter are at church. Going to go back inside & write on opendiary.com (anyone else on that long forgotten site?) & continue researching this Clozapine med. Serious!
Jen B
07 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
07 Oct 2018 ·

I'm so happy you might have found something that works for you, Manda. It hasn't been easy for you, has it? But it's gonna be OK. I'm sure there is something out there that can help you.

DesBear D
07 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
07 Oct 2018 ·

Thank you, Alicia. This seems to have a high success rate so I do feel hopeful as long as I'm in the clear to take it. I'll get the blood drawn tomorrow morning as long as they are open. Some stupid holiday. Thanks for the hugs, Jen & Des! πŸ’œ

Natalie C
07 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
07 Oct 2018 ·

Sending big hugs! I hope this new medicine helps & you get some sleep too xx

Manda P
08 Oct 2018 ·

Thank you,

Manda P
08 Oct 2018 ·

Oops, too soon! Thank you, Natalie. Still not getting that sleep I want, but I shouldn't complain. Hope you are feeling better, dear! xx πŸ’—

Jeff M
09 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Margot L
09 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
10 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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3 Manda P
07 Oct 2018 ·
Pretty p*ssed. I was expecting this deep & luxurious sleep after having the Seroquel dose doubled to 400mg before bed. Thought for sure it'd keep me knocked out. Nope, woke 3 hours later. Mania sucks.
Cindy M
07 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
07 Oct 2018 ·

Sorry to hear that, Manda - hope you get some rest xx

DesBear D
07 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
07 Oct 2018 ·

I feel ya ❀️

Keeping Track A
07 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Keeping Track A
07 Oct 2018 ·

That sounds very tough Manda!! Insomnia can be so frustrating and exhausting! I hope you can manage to sleep better over the next few days!! xxx

Manda P
07 Oct 2018 ·

Thank you, my sweet Pandas! Hopefully tonight will be better. I think it might be the stopping of Zyprexa. I was on that over a month.

Keeping Track A
07 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
07 Oct 2018 ·

Wow, 400! I'm still at 100. I do drink wine though, it makes me sleep pretty well. Not an advice! xD

Manda P
07 Oct 2018 ·

Yeah, I guess I'll go ahead & take the Somnapure I have that is just melatonin & other natural sleep aides. I wish I could get drunk tonight. Refuse to make gin & tonics though.

Esther B
08 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Esther B
08 Oct 2018 ·

Hang in there dear panda friend. You're strong

Manda P
09 Oct 2018 ·

Thanks, Esther. We're strong together. πŸ’•

nixiblu .
10 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Once logged in you can be part of the community
7 Manda P
05 Oct 2018 ·
New psychiatrist appointment went well! This guy seems to actually know what he is doing with all these meds I'm downing. Doubled Seroquel, stopping Zyprexa, & if the lab comes back ok, starting...
Manda P
05 Oct 2018 ·

Clozapine which I'm learning is the last ditch effort drug when you are resistant to two or more antipsychotics. Weekly blood draws for 6 months & then monthly for as long as you're on it. This is crazy. I'm only agreeing to it because it's so...

Manda P
05 Oct 2018 ·

...closely monitored. Can cause low white blood cell counts. I was really sick with mono in high school & had low white blood cell count & then also with the Lithium toxicity. I hope this doesn't mean I can't take it.

Keeping Track A
05 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Keeping Track A
05 Oct 2018 ·

Hope it works out Manda!! xxx

Manda P
05 Oct 2018 ·

Thank you! I'm keeping my fingers AND toes crossed. 😊

Jen B
05 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Sunflower B
06 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
06 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
06 Oct 2018 ·

<3 <3

John T
06 Oct 2018 ·

I've been on Clozapine. A lot of side effects, but it is the magic ticket for a lot of people.

John T
06 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
06 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
06 Oct 2018 ·

Fingers crossed Manda 🀞 such a uneasy time changing medications xx

Margot L
06 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
06 Oct 2018 ·

Yes, fingers and toes crossed for you, love.

Manda P
07 Oct 2018 ·

Thank you, my lovely Panda friends! πŸ’– John- Do yo mind if I message you on IG to further discuss your experience with it?

Jeff M
07 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
07 Oct 2018 ·

Go ahead. You don't have to ask!

Cindy M
07 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
07 Oct 2018 ·

Hope things work out xx

Manda P
07 Oct 2018 ·

Thanks, John & Cindy! xx And thanks for the hug, Jeff! πŸ’š

Esther B
08 Oct 2018 ·

Fingers crossed xoxo

Manda P
09 Oct 2018 ·

Thank you, my lovely Esther! xx

nixiblu .
10 Oct 2018 ·

I so hope you find the right treatment lovely Manda.

Manda P
12 Oct 2018 ·

Aw, thanks, my sweet nixi! πŸ’™

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4 Manda P
05 Oct 2018 ·
Daughter stayed home again. She actually ate food today. She's trying to catch up on homework & I'm trying to not be sad that she'll go back. Meet w/new psychiatrist tomorrow. 40 minute appt. Nervous.
Xavier M
05 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Xavier M
05 Oct 2018 ·

Yay! Glad things are seeming better!

John W
05 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Margot L
05 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
05 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
05 Oct 2018 ·

Thanks, Xavier! And thanks for the hugs, Pandas! πŸ’š

Jeff M
05 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
05 Oct 2018 ·

Hope the appointment goes well and helps you!

Manda P
05 Oct 2018 ·

Thank you, Jeff! It went really well. I feel positive! 😊

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6 Manda P
03 Oct 2018 ·
Daughter home again but doing MUCH better than yesterday. Didn't hear BF leave this morning. Didn't sleep through the night so of course, ate around 1AM. Where is my willpower? I weigh the same as BF.
Manda P
03 Oct 2018 ·

Somehow still a 6?

nixiblu .
03 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Mandy O
04 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
04 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
04 Oct 2018 ·

Glad to see a 6. Means you're keeping things in perspective! Your daughter is doing better, and you're doing ok. I wish I could help you fret less about your weight, but I'm happy to see things are a bit smoother. *Big hugs*

Manda P
04 Oct 2018 ·

Aw! Thanks a lot, Jeff! That is really sweet of you to say. Today is definitely not a good weight day. I miss skinny me.

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6 Manda P
02 Oct 2018 ·
Am I allowed to rate 6 even though daughter is home from school sick? I could tell she wasn't feeling well when she told me she felt like puking. Up to the toilet while I get the Pepto. BF ended...
Manda P
02 Oct 2018 ·

...up making her go to school. Didn't even last 2 hours there. I totally didn't use my head & think I'd have to go pick her up (I have car. Was supposed to see psychiatrist today) & started vaping in the house!!!!! Not good. We all survived...

Manda P
02 Oct 2018 ·

...though. AND the psychiatrist I was supposed to see today is leaving on the 18th so the lady was just nice enough to schedule me with the new psychiatrist taking his place. Looking forwar to reporting some improvement but still major symptoms...

Manda P
02 Oct 2018 ·

...still in action. Crying everyday, irritable everyday, still getting aggressive, but not as much. Sleeping more except oddball nights where I decided to be manic.

Xavier M
02 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
02 Oct 2018 ·

Happy to see a 6, Manda!

Jeff M
02 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Margot L
02 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
03 Oct 2018 ·

Thanks, Jeff! And thanks for the hugs, Pandas! πŸ’š

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5 Manda P
30 Sep 2018 ·
Did a whole lot of nothing today. Stayed in bed all morning & then BF told me to come to the office w/them. They are addicted to Overwatch now. I could barely stand to hear it yesterday. Hungry. =(
Jen B
30 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Maria K
01 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Maria K
01 Oct 2018 ·

Big hugs

Jeff M
01 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
01 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
01 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
01 Oct 2018 ·

Thanks, Maria. πŸ’œ And thank you, Pandas. πŸ’–

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5 Manda P
29 Sep 2018 ·
Slept till 10AM. BF didn't make me go w/him to pick up daughter from friend's house. Prob bcuz I looked drugged up from the Seroquel. BF said he could see an improvement this week. Meds & support.
John T
29 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
29 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Maite P
29 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
30 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Margot L
30 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

tEnT S
30 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
30 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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6 Manda P
25 Sep 2018 ·
BF asked how Amanda was so I guess that's asking how my therapy went (her name is Amanda too). Guess I should've went with positivity on that one. Wanted to mention that I've had yet another...
Manda P
25 Sep 2018 ·

...therapist jot down MoodPanda! She thought this place sounded so cool. 😊

Alicia B
25 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
25 Sep 2018 ·

It is a cool place, I wish I could support it more, I get so scared sometimes that one day Jake will have to shut it down . It's good you're advertising it.

Natalie C
25 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
26 Sep 2018 ·

Ha, I wondered for a second what you meant by 'she's Amanda too,' cuz you're 'Manda!' I hope therapy went well!

Manda P
26 Sep 2018 ·

I'm terrified it'll get shut down, too, Alicia. I don't know what I'd do. Thankfully I've connected with a lot of Pandas outside of MP. @Jeff- Yep, I'm an Amanda who's called Mandy except by my momma who calls me Manda Panda! Therapy went very well.

Cindy M
26 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
26 Sep 2018 ·

Great to see you're making progress and your therapist seems to understand you quite well. Yay for the Amandas of the world!

Margot L
27 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
27 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Esther B
28 Sep 2018 ·

This place is cool. You too!

Jen B
28 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
28 Sep 2018 ·

Thanks, Pandas! You guys are all so special to me. xx

tEnT S
30 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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4 Manda P
25 Sep 2018 ·
Therapy went well. Came out with a good list of notes. Main focus: THIS IS TEMPORARY! Not as easy to remember as you'd think it'd be. Self acceptance, healthy BMI, step up self care...
Manda P
25 Sep 2018 ·

...etc. She said my psychiatrist's notes are calling this a med resistance treatment. She talked about the new psychiatrist coming next month after he gets some licenses. Maybe he is fresh out of school? That could be good. She said he has several...

Manda P
25 Sep 2018 ·

...alternative approaches even though she's not sure any would work with me. She said we'd track the weight gain Seroquel problem & not let it get out of hand. Hope that's true. She also said the Seroquel will be temporary. REALLY hope that's true.

Manda P
25 Sep 2018 ·

Duh, this is a 4 because I'm waiting on BF & daughter to come out of the school & I know they won't ask how therapy went. It'll hurt but I'm going to try to not let it get to me too much.

Margot L
25 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Linda H
25 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
25 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
25 Sep 2018 ·

Glad therapy went well, small steps to success. πŸ‘£πŸ€©Proud of you! Sometimes, family just don't understand, other times they keep quiet to avoid saying the wrong thing. Remember you always have us 🐼

Manda P
25 Sep 2018 ·

You're right, Natalie! I've never thought that they may be quiet because they don't want to say the wrong thing. Thanks for that perspective! I could never forget my Panda friends! πŸ’šπŸ’•πŸ’œ

Alicia B
25 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
25 Sep 2018 ·

Looks like BF did ask though, right? Very nice :)

nixiblu .
27 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
28 Sep 2018 ·

He sure did, Alicia! That was unfair of me to assume. Thanks, nixi! πŸ’™

tEnT S
30 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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5 Manda P
25 Sep 2018 ·
Still raining. Parked outside of therapy. Gave myself way too much time. Not sure how it will go. Should I be 100% honest? I don't feel like I'm ready for that. Think I'll focus on ED/body image.
Jeff M
25 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
25 Sep 2018 ·

You should be 100% honest, but that doesn't mean you have to be all at once. Make sure you're comfortable and share what you're comfortable sharing. Don't hide things, but it's ok to get into things slowly.

John T
25 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
25 Sep 2018 ·

Good advice, Jeff. I will do just that. Should probably fess up about the vaping. I told my psychiatrist I was doing it 3-5 times a week when it's really multiple times a day every day. It 's what brings me as close to normalcy as I can get.

Manda P
25 Sep 2018 ·

Thanks for the hug, John!

Natalie C
25 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
25 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
27 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Once logged in you can be part of the community
4 Manda P
24 Sep 2018 ·
Rainy day. Thinking up bad things so doing bad things. Don't know what I'm doing. Listened to playlist from 2003. Every song spoke out to now. So sad. Cried a lot. Took shower. 127lbs. I like my body.
Bipolar Bear .
24 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
25 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
25 Sep 2018 ·

Sending love & hugs ❀ xx

Jen B
25 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
25 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
25 Sep 2018 ·

Great that you love your body <3

Jeff M
25 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
25 Sep 2018 ·

Yes, I love that you love your body...that's so important! It's ok to be nostalgic and sad sometimes. I do that a lot too, read old letters from old gfs, listen to sad songs. It's cathartic, I think. Hope today is better!

Manda P
25 Sep 2018 ·

Thanks, Pandas. I guess I love/hate my body. Couldn't get away with it that easy. I loved it yesterday when I showered but hate it right now because of how tight these jeans fit. @Jeff- I'm obsessing with the songs now. Listening in the car. Sad.

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5 Manda P
23 Sep 2018 ·
Up & down so we'll settle in the middle. Been up since 3AM. Not sure but went to bed before midnight. Took both 10mg of zyprexa, 100mg of seroquel & then also the usual 400mg of lamictal, & 900mg...
Manda P
23 Sep 2018 ·

...of Trileptal. Finally stopped the indigestion pills after we got back from vacation. Two half strength GFuels a day.

Manda P
23 Sep 2018 ·

Watching Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas. BF got me the boom a long time ago & I loved it. I've seen it before but that was before I read it. BEFORE. Gonna have a good day!

Manda P
23 Sep 2018 ·

*book, not boom. Anyone else hate Boomkins?

Esther B
23 Sep 2018 ·

That's a lot to take! But I hope it did calm you down a bit?! Stay safe Manda xoxo

Manda P
23 Sep 2018 ·

Yeah, those are my daily meds. I also use marijuana medicinally. It's a lot! I feel super calm right now even though I'm barely sleeping Thanks for the love, Esther. xx πŸ’–

Penelope P
23 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Anna D
23 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
23 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
23 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jen B
23 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
24 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Margot L
24 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
25 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
25 Sep 2018 ·

Sorry to see you are on a lot of meds too ☹.. that's a shame but I hope they are helping you. Completely understand how the sleepless nights feel from your exhausted panda pal 😴

Manda P
25 Sep 2018 ·

Wish we could be β€œnormal” just for a day. No meds to take & no worries to face.

Natalie C
25 Sep 2018 ·

Me too 😭 still dream of that normal life.. although it feels so far out of reach! One day hopefully 🀞

Manda P
25 Sep 2018 ·

I'll hope too 🀞

Alicia B
25 Sep 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
25 Sep 2018 ·

Is anyone really normal, though? I find it hard to imagine because everyone around me is somehow… fragile let's say. Even the people who don't take meds and don't think they need them. They do. But I sometimes wonder that, too.What it would feel like

Manda P
29 Sep 2018 ·

Yeah, I guess there really isn't such a thing as normal.

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