...registered in some kind of database where the pharmacy will only give 7 day supply until they get you next results & then they hand out another 7. This *** is crazy. Gotta go to a new pharmacy for it but it's not too far from home & pretty sure..
...it's an easy parking lot which you guys know is essential! So, yep, if all goes well I take my first dose tonight.
Daughter spending the night with MIL. He said he has come down with so
Good luck! I hope it works well for you.
Glad to hear you have had a better day. Fingers crossed with the new medication. Hope it works with minimal side effects xx
Hope this helps xx
Thanks, Pandas. Of course there was a million things to deal with & we found out my labs from last week are invalid so back I go Monday for that. Hospital parking lot causes a lot of anxiety. 😔
I hope this helps you, sweet Mandabear!
Thanks, Jeff! 💚 I've put high hopes on it because it's known to work miracles. Also because I have a feeling they are really going to try & push ECT on me if it doesn't work. He brought it up today & I said no way because my Mom & husband don't...
...want me to do it & I know it can cause significant memory loss which is something I definitely don't need to make worse!
I hope it will help you dear Amanda. You're in my thoughts
How hurtful & insensitive ☹ im so sorry! You deserve to be treated so much better. Forget him & go and treat yourself to something nice or a book/ cuppa tea & cuddles with cat 😊 xx
Thanks, Natalie. That was exactly my plan but he got me to say what was upsetting me & insisted he wasn't flirting & that it was just small talk. 🙄 He is making me watch TV with him. I'm sitting out here for awhile so he'll just leave me alone.
Will definitely be going to bed soon. My sweet cat, Sophie, gave me lots of love. She always makes me feel better. Hope you have sweet dreams tonight, Natalie & thanks for the hug, Cody. 💚
From a guy's perspective, we do stupid things. Sometimes we flirt without intending it...perhaps a pretty girl gives us attention when we don't expect it, and it makes us feel good. It can be unintentional and certainly not meant to imply...
...anything. It is stupid for sure, and I'm sorry he did that. But try not to read too much into a new hairstyle. Sometimes guys, like girls, just want to feel good about themselves and just want a change.
It's ok to talk to him about it. I'm sure he cares about you first and foremost. But also, you have the right to know and be taken seriously and be the focus here. I hope he realizes that too! *Big hugs*
Thanks, JeffBear! We eventually talked about it & there is obviously a lot going on in this brain of mine right now but we got to the bottom of it. He still insists it was small talk. I figured out why I was reacting poorly over the hair changes &...
...& perceived flirting. It's the goddamn awful eating disorder. Ruins EVERYTHING!
Thanks for the hug, Cindy. xx
Glad you were able to talk about and reflect on it.
Yes, Cindy. It was very nice & even though it was messy, I felt progress was made!
Do T think it's your fault, Manda! You have the right to feel how you feel! But I'm so glad you talked about it!
Well, my general rule is to think everything is my fault. 😜
...question, it's just the b*tch of a teacher that runs it. BF's test scores make it obvious that she SUCKS at her job so she's always “punished” daughter for it. She was her teacher last year. Can't wait till she gets to Jr. High next year. New...
...play director & three plays a year. She will get what she deserves. Mom told me to tell her to give them the best damn White Rabbit they've ever seen & not let ignorant people win.
The white rabbit may not be the biggest part, but it's a cool character and super important! I am sure she'll be amazing at it!
You're right, Jeff. When he told me I immediately said how awesome the part was & how she'd kill it but BF got in my head. Daughter & friends checked out a script online because they didn't get their's yet & White Rabbit actually had a lot of lines.
We'll see. I'm already super pumped to see the performance even though it's not till February. 😣 Thanks for the hugs, Pandas. 💚
...a very dangerous thing to do if I was going on a med that could drastically lower my white blood cell count. I'm going to work my way through small goals of eventually not even weighing myself. I'm already back down to 126lbs so I'm not worried.
I cut out a lot of the binging just recently which is why I'm losing. I'm confident it'll balance out to a HEALTHY weight.
Sometimes the universe sends us those people when we most need them! I hope you managed to be healthy and on the medication to help you without letting your ED take over! *Big Hugs*
Thanks, Jeff. The universe absolutely positively wants this person in my life. That's been known for a long time. I see my psychiatrist on Friday so we'll see if I'm actually starting this med or not.
Manda panda. Wishing you much love
Aw, thank you, my sweet nixi! 💙💙
...& saying that it was ok & we didn't have to do it so why is he making a big deal out of the fact that we didn't do it?! He brought all this up w/daughter in hearing distance. I eventually walked away. In bed for the day. F*ck this sh*t. I just...
...wasted WAY too many tears over that. Sis calmed me down through texts. Thankful for her.
Glad your sister was a good support - hope you guys can work through this. Relationships are hard..
Thanks, Cindy. It was messy, but we made it through. Brought up the crappy way I treat BF in general. Will try harder to not do that. Thanks for the hugs, Pandas. xx
Hope it goes well - sounds like it should be fun
You're a strong lady!
Thanks, Cindy & Alicia. I think everyone had a great time & I only thought about the beer once after we sat down. Quite the success I'd say. Thanks for the hugs, Pandas. 💖
Glad to hear you had a good night xx
Thanks, Natalie! xx
Aw, I wish I could tell everyone (myself included) when they (and me) say 'too fat' that you're (and maybe me?) so beautiful and full of worth! *Big hugs*
Aw, thanks, Jeff. I wish we could all say that too. Thanks for the hugs, Pandas! 💜
I'm so happy you might have found something that works for you, Manda. It hasn't been easy for you, has it? But it's gonna be OK. I'm sure there is something out there that can help you.
Thank you, Alicia. This seems to have a high success rate so I do feel hopeful as long as I'm in the clear to take it. I'll get the blood drawn tomorrow morning as long as they are open. Some stupid holiday. Thanks for the hugs, Jen & Des! 💜
Sending big hugs! I hope this new medicine helps & you get some sleep too xx
Oops, too soon! Thank you, Natalie. Still not getting that sleep I want, but I shouldn't complain. Hope you are feeling better, dear! xx 💗
Sorry to hear that, Manda - hope you get some rest xx
I feel ya ❤️
That sounds very tough Manda!! Insomnia can be so frustrating and exhausting! I hope you can manage to sleep better over the next few days!! xxx
Thank you, my sweet Pandas! Hopefully tonight will be better. I think it might be the stopping of Zyprexa. I was on that over a month.
Wow, 400! I'm still at 100. I do drink wine though, it makes me sleep pretty well. Not an advice! xD
Yeah, I guess I'll go ahead & take the Somnapure I have that is just melatonin & other natural sleep aides. I wish I could get drunk tonight. Refuse to make gin & tonics though.
Hang in there dear panda friend. You're strong
Thanks, Esther. We're strong together. 💕
Clozapine which I'm learning is the last ditch effort drug when you are resistant to two or more antipsychotics. Weekly blood draws for 6 months & then monthly for as long as you're on it. This is crazy. I'm only agreeing to it because it's so...
...closely monitored. Can cause low white blood cell counts. I was really sick with mono in high school & had low white blood cell count & then also with the Lithium toxicity. I hope this doesn't mean I can't take it.
Hope it works out Manda!! xxx
Thank you! I'm keeping my fingers AND toes crossed. 😊
I've been on Clozapine. A lot of side effects, but it is the magic ticket for a lot of people.
Fingers crossed Manda 🤞 such a uneasy time changing medications xx
Yes, fingers and toes crossed for you, love.
Thank you, my lovely Panda friends! 💖 John- Do yo mind if I message you on IG to further discuss your experience with it?
Go ahead. You don't have to ask!
Hope things work out xx
Thanks, John & Cindy! xx And thanks for the hug, Jeff! 💚
Fingers crossed xoxo
Thank you, my lovely Esther! xx
I so hope you find the right treatment lovely Manda.
Aw, thanks, my sweet nixi! 💙
Yay! Glad things are seeming better!
Thanks, Xavier! And thanks for the hugs, Pandas! 💚
Hope the appointment goes well and helps you!
Thank you, Jeff! It went really well. I feel positive! 😊
Somehow still a 6?
Glad to see a 6. Means you're keeping things in perspective! Your daughter is doing better, and you're doing ok. I wish I could help you fret less about your weight, but I'm happy to see things are a bit smoother. *Big hugs*
Aw! Thanks a lot, Jeff! That is really sweet of you to say. Today is definitely not a good weight day. I miss skinny me.
...up making her go to school. Didn't even last 2 hours there. I totally didn't use my head & think I'd have to go pick her up (I have car. Was supposed to see psychiatrist today) & started vaping in the house!!!!! Not good. We all survived...
...though. AND the psychiatrist I was supposed to see today is leaving on the 18th so the lady was just nice enough to schedule me with the new psychiatrist taking his place. Looking forwar to reporting some improvement but still major symptoms...
...still in action. Crying everyday, irritable everyday, still getting aggressive, but not as much. Sleeping more except oddball nights where I decided to be manic.
Happy to see a 6, Manda!
Thanks, Jeff! And thanks for the hugs, Pandas! 💚
Thanks, Maria. 💜 And thank you, Pandas. 💖
...therapist jot down MoodPanda! She thought this place sounded so cool. 😊
It is a cool place, I wish I could support it more, I get so scared sometimes that one day Jake will have to shut it down . It's good you're advertising it.
Ha, I wondered for a second what you meant by 'she's Amanda too,' cuz you're 'Manda!' I hope therapy went well!
I'm terrified it'll get shut down, too, Alicia. I don't know what I'd do. Thankfully I've connected with a lot of Pandas outside of MP. @Jeff- Yep, I'm an Amanda who's called Mandy except by my momma who calls me Manda Panda! Therapy went very well.
Great to see you're making progress and your therapist seems to understand you quite well. Yay for the Amandas of the world!
This place is cool. You too!
Thanks, Pandas! You guys are all so special to me. xx
...etc. She said my psychiatrist's notes are calling this a med resistance treatment. She talked about the new psychiatrist coming next month after he gets some licenses. Maybe he is fresh out of school? That could be good. She said he has several...
...alternative approaches even though she's not sure any would work with me. She said we'd track the weight gain Seroquel problem & not let it get out of hand. Hope that's true. She also said the Seroquel will be temporary. REALLY hope that's true.
Duh, this is a 4 because I'm waiting on BF & daughter to come out of the school & I know they won't ask how therapy went. It'll hurt but I'm going to try to not let it get to me too much.
Glad therapy went well, small steps to success. 👣🤩Proud of you! Sometimes, family just don't understand, other times they keep quiet to avoid saying the wrong thing. Remember you always have us 🐼
You're right, Natalie! I've never thought that they may be quiet because they don't want to say the wrong thing. Thanks for that perspective! I could never forget my Panda friends! 💚💕💜
Looks like BF did ask though, right? Very nice :)
He sure did, Alicia! That was unfair of me to assume. Thanks, nixi! 💙
You should be 100% honest, but that doesn't mean you have to be all at once. Make sure you're comfortable and share what you're comfortable sharing. Don't hide things, but it's ok to get into things slowly.
Good advice, Jeff. I will do just that. Should probably fess up about the vaping. I told my psychiatrist I was doing it 3-5 times a week when it's really multiple times a day every day. It 's what brings me as close to normalcy as I can get.
Thanks for the hug, John!
Sending love & hugs ❤ xx
Great that you love your body <3
Yes, I love that you love your body...that's so important! It's ok to be nostalgic and sad sometimes. I do that a lot too, read old letters from old gfs, listen to sad songs. It's cathartic, I think. Hope today is better!
Thanks, Pandas. I guess I love/hate my body. Couldn't get away with it that easy. I loved it yesterday when I showered but hate it right now because of how tight these jeans fit. @Jeff- I'm obsessing with the songs now. Listening in the car. Sad.
...of Trileptal. Finally stopped the indigestion pills after we got back from vacation. Two half strength GFuels a day.
Watching Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas. BF got me the boom a long time ago & I loved it. I've seen it before but that was before I read it. BEFORE. Gonna have a good day!
*book, not boom. Anyone else hate Boomkins?
That's a lot to take! But I hope it did calm you down a bit?! Stay safe Manda xoxo
Yeah, those are my daily meds. I also use marijuana medicinally. It's a lot! I feel super calm right now even though I'm barely sleeping Thanks for the love, Esther. xx 💖
Sorry to see you are on a lot of meds too ☹.. that's a shame but I hope they are helping you. Completely understand how the sleepless nights feel from your exhausted panda pal 😴
Wish we could be “normal” just for a day. No meds to take & no worries to face.
Me too 😭 still dream of that normal life.. although it feels so far out of reach! One day hopefully 🤞
I'll hope too 🤞
Is anyone really normal, though? I find it hard to imagine because everyone around me is somehow… fragile let's say. Even the people who don't take meds and don't think they need them. They do. But I sometimes wonder that, too.What it would feel like
Yeah, I guess there really isn't such a thing as normal.