I have no work as im going away for a week , but very anxious this morning , hope you have a good day at work x x
I wish I was at work, But I am too Young
Thanks Stephen, Yondie make the most of being young x thanks for the hugs
Well thank you
Good to hear Tasha x x x
Thanks Stephen x thanks for the hugs everyone x
I'm proud of you too, Tasha! =)
I'd like to play that! I'm not a gamer, but Zelda always used to be one of my favorites!
:) x x x
It's really great Jeff :D thanks for the hugs all
Thanks for the hugs
well its a positive who ever Alexa is :) x
It's an Amazon thing not a real person haha :) she's like Siri but she's a speaker as well, it was a housewarming gift :) thanks for the hugs
lol ok .. x x
Now you mention it Ive seen it on tv when we were on holiday as we dont even have a TV in this house :) I know revolutionary eh lol x x
It's really handy, I can set timers and stuff while I'm cooking and turn the lights on and off without getting up which is nice if you're already in bed :) x
things are going well for you Tasha .. all good x x
Aww that's really sweet.
Sorry I didn't see this sooner , great to hear your feeling better after talking x x
Thank you Stephen x
Ok, so maybe not...things change, but that doesn't have to be bad. Good that he's talking to you about that, which means you can work with him to find new and different/better ways to connect! Would be so much worse if he kept it to himself!
I agree with Jeff. I hope you can work it out. My biggest hugs x
Wise Jeff...Hope you two can keep talking. x
Thank you Jeff, Claire, Cindy, we have talked and I feel better now. He's always been good at communicating x thanks for the hugs x
you're both fortunate to have one another.
Love that he was able to communicate that to you. Signs of a good relationship even if you aren't feeling as close as you usually do. Hope things are back on track. xx
x x x (((HUGS)))
Can you talk about it with him?
As Silke says, hope you can talk to him
Ryan, when you said x, I felt hurt because I'm needing (consideration? acceptance? connection? validation? identify need). Would you be willing to (actionable request)?
The problem with words is that can be taken many ways , then add emotions in to it and depending on how your feeling you will see it as either positive , negative etc etc ... so your best not dwelling on it or ask him to elaborate on what he said x
I have the same problems with things my partner says , 99% its my emotional state and how I interpret it , if im down I pick up the slightest negative etc ... x
Good point, Stephen. Psychologists call it refraction. The energy we communicate from is filtered through the emotion. The emotion, seeking to affirm itself, looks for that which would validate it. So, if I'm angry, I see that which upsets me, etc.
In the meditative traditions, awareness of our emotional state is important. We attend to our emotions knowing that if we speak or act out of a calm energy, the results will be better than if afflicted by anger, hopelessness, fear, etc.
So, interpretations, evaluations, and perceptions are colored by mood, which influence our thoughts which influence our words and actions. Why we don't learn this in school is one of the tragic flaws of our Western educational system.
Totally agree Love 1 , I do mindfullness at the local buddhist centre and practice it with the problems we have just spoke about , it is so valuable in many ways .. I have PTSD so get stuck in flight or fight and mindfullness helps no end ,
There are concrete approaches to this specific problem. X says something that upsets me. First step is self-connection. I accept that I'm upset. I attend to the feeling. I can express this more skillfully using the non-violent communication model.
When I hear you say, X. I feel (emotion) because I'm needing (need). Would you be willing to (request)? I'm simplifying a technique that is layered & complex. Most people arent in touch with their feelings or needs so can't communicate authentically.
Thich Nhat Hanh offers another skillful technique. We begin by showing appreciation, expressing positives. 2. We express regret or apologize for anything we could have done or said differently.
3. We ask for more information. We seek to understanding. 4. We express our hurt or disagreement with humility, remaining open, acknowledging our limited perceptions.
Another technique was explained by Harville Hendrick. 1. We give our partner our full attention. 2. We listen accurately to what our partner is saying. Mirror what your partner is saying until you get it. 4. Validate
5. Communicate empathy. Again, sounds simple, but it needs to be broken down. Most people do not know how to be empathetic. They confuse it with fixing, sympathy, consoling, advising, data-gathering, etc.
This stuff is hard. If Ryan is like most of us guys he may struggle communicating in a way a woman can understand and vice versa. I need explicit instructions: Empathy for Dummies.
Morning Tasha hope you have managed to talk things through with Ryan and are feeling better about it all x x
Thank you everyone, I have spoken to Ryan, he's not in the best place at the moment mentally. I've read through all your comments and they're helpful, thank you all so much x